Hyperbole and a Half took exception to the standard hospital pain scale:

...and came up with this far-more-accurate version. See below for descriptions:

0: Hi. I am not experiencing any pain at all. I don't know why I'm even here.

1:  I am completely unsure whether I am experiencing pain or itching or maybe I just have a bad taste in my mouth.

2:  I probably just need a Band Aid.

3:  This is distressing. I don't want this to be happening to me at all.

4:  My pain is not fucking around.

5:  Why is this happening to me??

6:  Ow.  Okay, my pain is super legit now.

7:  I see Jesus coming for me and I'm scared.

8:  I am experiencing a disturbing amount of pain. I might actually be dying. Please help.

9:  I am almost definitely dying.

10:  I am actively being mauled by a bear.

11: Blood is going to explode out of my face at any moment.

Too Serious For Numbers:  You probably have ebola. It appears that you may also be suffering from Stigmata and/or pinkeye.

(via Hyperbole and a Half)