Bill Hicks

"We live in a world where John Lennon was murdered, yet Barry Manilow continues to put out fucking albums. God dammit! If you're gonna kill somebody, have some fucking taste! I'll drive you to Kenny Rogers' house."

"Good evening, my name is Bill Hicks. I've been on the road 12 years now doing comedy so, uh, bear with me while I plaster on a fake smile and plough through this shit one more time. I'm kinda tired of travelling, kinda tired of doing comedy, kinda tired of staring out at your blank faces looking back at me, wanting me to fill your empty lives with humour you couldn't possibly think of yourselves."

"They proved that if you quit smoking it will prolong your life. What they haven't proven is that a prolonged life is a good thing. I haven't seen the stats on that yet."

"People pay lip service to saving the planet, but they don't - they fail to make the big leap that if you want to save the planet, kill your fucking self. The planet will be saved without you. And what a delightful place it'll be. Welcome. It's a new thing I'm working on, called "The Comedy of Hate." Join in."

"You see, I think drugs have done some good things for us, I really do. And if you don't believe drugs have done good things for us, do me a favour. Go home tonight, take all your albums, all your tapes and all your CDs, and burn them. 'Cause you know what, the musicians that made all that music that's enhanced your lives throughout the years were real fucking high on drugs. The Beatles were so fucking high they let Ringo sing a few tunes."

"They lie about marijuana. Tell you pot-smoking makes you unmotivated. Lie! When you're high, you can do everything you normally do just as well - you just realise it's not worth the fucking effort. There is a difference."